Happy Birthday Elleanor

Happy Birthday Elleanor. I was thinking about the first time I really got to know you. We drove back from Seattle together in Josh's truck, and I got sick as a dog. I am happy you are my sister n law. We know where your kids get their personalities from. I won't forget your wedding, when you and I were on the dance floor the whole night, because you refused to leave. I hope you have a great day.

Humbled

I got kicked in the sack today, to use the parlance of our times. There is nothing like being humbled by the Missouri river. You think you know something about fishing and then the bad days get you. I tried every fly I had in my box, different runs, different depths, you name it. Nothing worked very well, but at least some of it worked a little. I wasn't the only one who had a bad day, it happens to everyone I guess, but I felt like I was the only one. I need a chance to redeem my self.

so happy

I am so happy my wife is home again! Lena is back and we are together again for a couple days until I launch on the Smith for the last time this season. I never thought I would love a woman this much. We went and watched Grown Ups today, it was ok. I don't think I would watch it more than once, but it was entertaining. After the movie we had dinner downtown and some DQ for desert. I have to tie some flys for the day tomorow. Hopefully fishing doesn't suck.

great visit

Bry, Terra and the kids just left and I am sitting alone in the quiet. I wish Lena was here very very bad. I thought I missed her before, but this makes it much worse.

For many years of my life I was used to being the one with all the power. I was the one who left. There is nothing worse than being the one who is left behind. I still remember hating that part of being the youngest brother. I couldn't wait to grow up and get bigger so I wasn't left behind anymore. This might explain a major part of my behavior over the last decade.

I had a great time with everyone. We had Chinese food the first night and took the kids and the dogs out to our prospective property. Then we snuck the dogs into the house, because we aren't allowed to have them in the park. Thank God the dogs were good the whole time. We built a fire and had some smores. Parker hung out with Bryan and I for a little while after the others went inside. I can't believe how old he is now, and how fast he is growing up.

The kids slept on the couch, chair and ottoman, and cot in the living room. Collin said it was the coolest thing ever. Bryan and Terra slept in my bedroom and I slept in our guest room. I was amazed how fast that family takes over a place. Like a tornado going through a trailer park. We slept in and I cooked a big breakfast while Terra did laundry and the kids watched disney. Something I am not used to, but no one else seemed to think anything was strange but me. After that I took every one fishing for perch at a secret spot.

I always get a little stressed when I am taking people fishing or hunting, especially my family. I want to show them the best time I can and I put a lot of pressure on myself. The kids pointed out that I can get grumpy. Duh. I don't do it on purpose! Thank God the fishing was great. We killed em. Terra lost what is becoming a legend. Perhaps the biggest perch I have ever seen (for sure), if not some kind of record. I say this with all honesty.

I had so much fun watching them all enjoy catching fish, especially Terra. She gets intense like my wife and puts the game face on. She also gets pissed off when she isn't catching them and someone else is. The kids were happy just putting the fish in the bucket, or netting them. I didn't think anyone would want to leave, so I bbq'd in the boat. Parker and Collin thought it was lucky to pee in the water. Collin peed every ten minutes. I enjoyed the whole circus very much.

The kids, the dogs, and Bryan, Terra, and I filled a five gallon bucket with tasty perch and returned home to feast on a batch of my special fish tacos. We also shared a very expensive bottle of wine. It was a great day and great night.

Today we slept in and had pancakes. They packed up the Griswold van and we went out to the Skytop. We rode horses a little, shot some gophers, and enjoyed the beautiful views. Collin did this with his hand in his pants nearly the whole time. The kids started out afraid of horses, and ended wanting to ride everyone of them. My gift to Parker for his tenth birthday was to go shoot gophers. All the rain has made the grass really high, and the gophers weren't out in force today...But... Parker ended up shooting one. I will never forget his face! Lilah wanted to inspect every one, and actually she through a fit when she couldn't go look at the dead ones.

We ended the visit with some good ole' greasy Saloon food.

I know why my mom feels depressed when people leave. I know why my dad keeps himself busy in the yard. I liked to be the one who left, instead of being the one who got left behind. There is a quiet loneliness that comes when you drive away from what you are leaving behind. Solitude and a purpose, albeit uncertain, like a man riding off into the sunset. Once again I feel like the little brother left behind while the others go off on an adventure. Through it all I will never forget what a lucky man I am.

At home alone

I'm home alone, at least for a little while. I am sitting in the quiet, cool air-conditioned house. I miss my wife right now, and can't wait for my family to get here. I am anxious to say the least. Bryan, Terra Jean, PK, Lilah, and Collin are coming to visit. I don't get to see them enough, and wish it could be longer than it is going to be. I am also missing precious days guiding on the river right now. I don't care though, I know what is most important, and besides I never really liked working anyway (wink).
It is already the end of June, and I feel like summer hasn't even really begun yet. My flowers are blooming and peppers, strawberries, and tomatoes are doing well. I think the heat is coming soon. It won't be long and the dog days will be upon us.
I always miss my buddies most in the summer. I think about all the fun we would have when school was out, it seemed like we never slept. Fishing, floating, golfing, bbq's, concerts, and nights on the town kept us very occupied when work didn't.
I'm going to the store to get stuff for smores for Terra and the kids. I can't stop thinking about how fortunate I am. Summers in Montana remind us why we put up with the long winters.

Camp life

I awoke to the incessant drumming of the rain as it pounded on the big canvas wall tent. I was warm in my sleeping bag and comfortable, and definately not eager to leave it for the rain soaked world outside of it. I reached to my hat by the head of my cot and grabbed the time peice that had once been my watch, until a mule busted the band a few years ago. 5:23 a.m. It still served its purpose, and told me it was time to get up. I looked around the tent and noticed all the others were still asleep, with their heads tucked inside their sleeping bags like mummies. I laid back and stretched, thinking about my day ahead and wishing I was in bed next to my wife. I always miss her most in the quiet mornings. Only four more days until I would see her again.

I could see the sunlight of dawn growing slowly brighter every minute, it wouldn't be long until the sun was up. I quietly got up and put my shoes on. They were still wet. Wonderful. I snuck out side and took a piss. It was cold and I couldn't seem to finish fast enough to get back in to the tent without getting soaked. I snuck in and quietly moved over to the stove and lit the burners under the kettle and the wash pale. In a few minutes I would have coffee and the others would slowly start waking up to help with breakfast, and the busy morning. I love the early morning quiet before the first rush of the day. Cook, do dishes, break down camp, guide fisherman all day, set up, cook dinner, do dishes, go to bed and get ready for it all agian tomorow.

I poured the grounds in the french press, and the instant the hot water mixed with them my nose lit up with the magnificent smell. I gave it a moment and pressed the grounds. My cup got the first fill, then the air pot. I blew gently on my cup and took the first sip. Once again I thought of my wife, it would be my last chance for a couple hours. All at once the rain softened and others started to stir. Time to get going.

The Smith Season

Once again I am headed out for the Smith Season, (five day float trips on the Smith river which run from June through mid July.) I don't like leaving my wife for that long, but I do love to work on the Smith. It seems as if I blink and the summer is almost over, although it is just barely starting here. I can't seem to understand that when the days are the longest with sunlight, they go by so fast. Right now I am looking at the beautiful red geranium blooming outside on our porch. It is thoroughly enjoying the rain soaked soil and the bright early morning sun coming from the east. It is one of the small things that makes me thankful. Soon I will be off the river, then back on, then off. Lena will be gone to a wedding and my family will be here. I can't wait for them to come, but I am really going to miss Lena. To say it mildly, you may not hear much from me for a while.

PB&J's and Fried Chicken

There is something special about a Mother's touch when it comes to feeding their children. I had a pb&J today, something I do often, and it left me feeling unfulfilled. Not because I was still hungry, and not because of the ingredients. It was simply because I made it. I still remember the last pb & J my Oma made me. It was in Mexico about ten years ago. It might have been the single best sandwich I have ever had in my life. Every time I eat one, I think of my Oma and summer lunches out on the glider. I have the same problem with fried chicken. I truly believe that no one can hold a candle to my mother's fried chicken. Many people agree with me, so I am led to believe that it is more than just the fact that she's my momma. I will never be able to eat fried chicken without comparing it to my mom's, the same way I'll never be able to eat pb & j's without thinking about Oma.

Summer?

It certainly could be here, but I don't know. I wake up in the morning to smell the cool moist air, and all the aromas that blooming plants and flowers bring. I love that it gets light around five here now, and it doesn't get dark until around ten. I don't even know where to start my days right now. It seems like there is entirely too much to do, and not enough time to do it in. I have friends and family I want to talk to or hang out with, things I want to do with my wife, work I have to do, work I need to do, and some I can't ever seem to get to. Life is hard to organize, and when we do organize it, it looses its luster. I am ever grateful for all that I have, and all the things that I can't get to. I would way rather it be this way than the opposite. The summers make me miss so many people and places, who are as drawn in to their own lives as I am now. It makes me miss back when I lived paycheck to paycheck, and had the freedom to go see who I wanted when I wanted with no fear of any reprecussions. On the other hand, when I lay down to sleep, in a bed, next to my beautiful wife, maybe I don't miss it so much. Maybe I just miss the thought of it.