Solitude

I opened my eyes when I heard the wind dying down outside the tent. It was getting close to sunrise and the wind was taking it's only break for the last couple of days. I put my clothes on and didn't bother with a fire, I walked outside to stretch out and look around camp. The snow was lit up extremely white in contrast to the darkness of the timber on the surrounding mountains. The starry sky illuminated everything enough to walk without a lantern. I took a minute this morning to enjoy the vast constellations while I took a badly needed piss.
This was the first day I hadn't had dudes around me for quite some time, and I was gonna enjoy it.
I went back into the tent and lit the small single burner that sat next to the wood stove. The small blue flames cast little light inside the tent, adding little to the glow of the stars. I covered it with the black and blue coffee pot, and headed to the corral. Today I would check my traps in solitude, waiting for the next bunch of hunters to arrive. It would be the same attitudes the first day. Lots of energy, lots of questions, all of it familiar.
I thought about my brothers for a minute while I walked through the snow to catch my horse. I wondered how differently their days were starting where they were, a thousand miles away. It was hard to imagine anything but my reality. Sheriff played no games this morning, and silently we had a moment of understanding. I led him over by the tent and tied him down to the rail.
My coffee was boiling when I finished brushing Sheriff and returned to the tent. It still wouldn't be light for an hour at least so I wasn't in much of a hurry. I squatted to my heels and enjoyed the first hot sip of the coffee. The steam rising from my cup opened my nostrils and perked my eyes to the cold air. I sat completely still and took the moment in.
I had a boiled egg left in my pommel bag for breakfast, which seemed to be just like every other one I had ever eaten. My coffee cooled enough to drink in big gulps and it was much enjoyed that way. I finished my breakfast and went to saddle my horse.
This morning was a welcome break from the routine I had acquired out here. I only had to take care of myself, and I welcomed the simplicity. No standing inside the cook tent sipping coffee, waiting for breakfast while the dudes told jokes and chattered about their experience. No waiting to use the latrine. No questions. No orders.
It was somewhat warm this morning and Sheriff stood comfortably at the rail as I laid the blanket over his whithers. I slid my rig over his back and cinched it down. He shifted his weight after I had buckled the breast collar and both cinches were drawn snug. He was ready to go.
I returned to the tent and grabbed my riffle, checked the valve on the propane, and made sure things were in order.
I slid my riffle into the scabbard, and swung up into the saddle. With a squeeze of my heels we headed up the creek and out of camp in the darkness. I thought about the sets I had to check, and what might be in them today.

One More Elk

So far I have butchered two elk, two antelope, and half a deer. I have one more elk to go.
I can hardly wait to be done. My smoker will be working overtime for the next week. I am getting cabin fever, because I haven't been outside very long for more than a week. Hopefully I'll be done tomorrow.

pictures from the field.

Winter mornings

The clear cold air seems completely still, like it is too cold to move. The trees are covered with a fine layer of what seems like snow, but cannot be. Snow only sticks to the tops due to gravity. There is a rare thing that happens when the fog rolls in during the evening and settles as the temperature drops. All the moisture that was in the air freezes to everything it touches, covering it with a layer of white frost crystals that wrap themselves completely around everything like paint.
In the early morning sunlight everything sparkles and shines. It is beautiful, so much so that it doesn't enter your mind how truly cold it is outside.

Love

"Each one of us here today will at one time look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question; We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of our selves to give or, more often than not, the part that we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those who we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them... We can love completely without complete understanding." - A River Runs Through It.
There is nothing more upsetting than reaching out to someone you love, who clearly needs help, only to be rejected. I know this feeling better than perhaps one should.
I am consumed by the struggles of the ones I love the most, and always am trying to figure out how to help them. The answer that I am finally getting beat into my thick skin is that there is no answer. You simply can't help people. You can only love them. You can only offer yourself and a hand for them to hold. If they choose to, they might take your hand. More often than not, they turn away completely and pretend that they never saw your hand in the first place. Pride is a heavy stone that will crush and destroy anything in its path.
People will do only what they choose to do. I have given up praying for help as well. Not because I have given up on God, but because I am beginning to learn that it is not up to the Lord. It is up to the person. Sometimes, they believe that there is nothing wrong and other times they know it, but deny it.
All I know is that no one is perfect or above problems. I have my own, so do you. How we deal with them makes the difference.
I have made a lot of mistakes trying to help people I love. I have said things in anger that I wished I had not. Things I can never take back, only apologize for having said. I have become frustrated to the boiling point searching for understanding, only to remain in the dark feeling angry and guilty. Although, my greatest mistake has been taking it personal. Like the whole thing is somehow my fault.
I know that it isn't my fault, but because I love them it becomes my burden too.
I am learning that I can't fix many of these things, even though it hurts extremely bad to admit.
I am learning that sometimes there is nothing that we can do, we can only try. I still refuse to give up and ignore that there is a problem, even though I may be the only one.
I am learning that you don't have to understand completely to love.

I am learning that maybe all I can really do is Love.

People who earn our respect.

In my line(s) of work I am fortunate to meet a wide variety of people. Most of them good, others well... I would rather forget I ever met them, except that they painted a clear picture of what I don't want to be like. I have to say a small thank you for that.
One thing that almost all of them have in common is money, lets face it their outings are not cheap. Some of them are wealthy, others are good at saving and going after what they want, none of them are poor.
One thing that generally separates them first, is how they came about their money. Many of them simply inherited money. Others inherited some money, but then made their own out of what they got handed to them. The last are self made men, who acquired all they have from good fortune, hard work, and risk. Not necessarily in that order.
I would like to tell you that most of the time the self made men are the most respectable. Not the case at all. Life is full of surprises, and sometimes they turn out to be good surprises. I am generally surprised when people who inherit their wealth turn out to be very kind and respectful, especially when they are from back east, or California. (Lets face it, they think differently than we do.)
Lately I have been surprised a lot. Most wealthy "trust-funders" treat me like a servant and use only manners for public display. They feel entitled to everything, and are rarely genuine. This past year I have had the privilege to meet a lot of "trust-funders" that are very genuine and polite, some who even help out. It has been a real breath of fresh air.
I have also had my fill of self made people who are so full of their own shit that it seeps from every orifice. I respect that they made themselves what they are, but they need a dose of reality to remember that they are just people. I am very honest and open with people like this, some of them appreciate my outlook on life, and others are offended. I remind them that money has very little influence on me. My pride goes beyond pushing and shoving.
I met one man in particular last year who immediately earned my respect with a hand-shake and a smile. Sometimes you can tell an awful lot about someone by your first impression. His name was Bryce and he had the look of a man with a lot of money, but a very strong grip and a kind eye.
Bryce is a fit man in his sixties. He was born and raised in an Indian village in utmost North Sasketchewan. His father was a "bush pilot" who learned to fly in WWII. Bryce was raised in very humble means with a sister. He grew up fighting with the natives almost every day of his life. When he refused to fight with them, they threatened to hurt his sister. Anyone who knows what it is like to have your butt kicked can only imagine a tiny glimpse of what he went through. Daily.
School was the only thing that mattered where he grew up, he said there was no such thing as sports, or electives like music. He earned a scholarship to Purdue, where he went on to study Nuclear engineering. When he finished his undergrad he moved to texas to pursue a doctorate in his early twenties.
To pay for his schooling, he began working for a man who painted parking lots. He soon started his own business painting parking lots. Next he began painting streets in subdivisions, and later started painting Hi-ways.
He quit pursuing his doctorate once his business really took off. After years of hard work he built a business that painted 70% of America's Hi-ways. Now they have 80% of the world market!!!!!!!!!
They have factories in nearly every country that produces the paint, as well as reflector posts and signs. Bryce built a Multi-billion dollar business from scratch. It took knowlege, luck, grit, risk, and most of all sacrifice. He worked everyday except christmas and half of thanksgiving for almost his whole life. He missed out on a lot of his family and their lives. I could see pain in his eyes and obvious regret when he talked about what he gave up.
Bryce never once told me about this on his own, it was on the third day of the trip before I knew anything about what he did for a living. He never acted like he had money, but to one who knows it is easy to tell. He was truly a prince of a man. Very grateful and polite, charming and respectful. He never complained, even though it poured rain for four straight days and the fishing stunk.
What I admired most about Bryce was not his money. It is easy to say that you want money like that, but very few are willing to make the sacrifices it takes to get it. I don't have it in me, quality of life is worth more than billions to me.
I admired how honest and respectful Bryce was. He was what I like to call a "real" person. He didn't let the money change who he was, and how he treated people. He had a ton of knowlege, and real ability. He was the kind of man you would go to when you needed advice or help. That wouldn't change even if he didn't have wealth.
I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I do however know what kind of Man I want to be. I want to be the kind of man people call when they need help, because they know that they can rely on you, and you will be there for them. I want to be the kind of guy that will find a way, even if I'm not sure. I want to be the kind of man who backs down to no one, and is honest to a fault. I also want to be the man who gives his whole life to his family and friends, afterall money is not the only wealth.

Another season in the books.

Once again I am done guiding hunters and fisherman for the year. I find myself relieved and ready for a break. Thankfully I have not had many days off for the last seven months or so. Now the boredom and guilt start to settle in. The boredom is easy to explain, and usually easier to deal with. The guilt of being unemployed is what is the most difficult to face, especially when Lena gets up early to go to work and I have nothing to do. Thanks to God, we had a good year so I can sleep a little easier.
Once again I learned a lot this year, not only about what I am doing, but about who I am and what I don't want to be. I met a lot of wonderful people this year who gave me great advice that I hope to never forget. I witnessed a few hundred sunsets and sunrises that would take your breath away. I witnessed some unbelievable events. My patience and kindness were tested. I was both disappointed and delighted by other people.
My core principals were hardened by the fire of my own anger. I lost respect for people whom I once held in high regards, and I gained respect for others where I had none. I guess there are things that will continue no matter where I am or what I do in life. It is all part of growing up and growing older. If I learned one thing about myself this season, it is that I value Honesty above almost all else. I believe honesty contains a combination of traits including; Integrity, honor, humbleness, respect, and accountability. Those who are dishonest posses none of those qualities.
I have met a lot of people who don't amount to much in the eyes of our world, but are honest even when the stakes are high. There is nothing I can respect more than that.
I am so thankful to have the work I had, create new relationships with others, and cut ties with negative baggage. I am most thankful to be home again with my wife. I can't even count how many nights I left her alone while I was gone working. Like all things in life, sacrifices are made to reach an objective. I am thankful for the sacrifices that Lena is willing to make for us, and the sacrifices that she is willing to deal with.
I hope she can deal with me for more than two nights in a row, it may take some getting used to again.
I actually have some work to look forward to, (kind of). I have one more elk to cut up and process, and parts of two others. Trapping season starts Wednesday. Wrestling season is in full swing and I am back to coaching. I also can find some time to write more again, hopefully I can remember some of the things that I wanted to write about this summer and fall. We'll see.

Giving Thanks.

I am thankful for everything that I have, and a whole lot that I don't have. I am most thankful for my wife, she is truly one of a kind and without her I would certainly be a lost cause.

I am thankful for my family. My Parents, Brothers and their families, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and all my cousins. This includes the inlaws too.

I am thankful for my friends, the ones who have really been there for me behind the scenes.

I am thankful for my health.

I am thankful for where I live.

I am thankful when I can wake up in the morning and go to work.

I am thankful everytime I eat, even if it is the same meal more than once.

I am thankful for strong hands and a strong back.

I am thankful for my education.

I am thankful that I am an American.

I am thankful for those who taught me to work hard.

I am most thankful for the blessings of our Lord.

I am also very thankful for what I don't have. I don't have to worry about a whole lot of things that come with being very poor, or very wealthy. I am thankful that I don't have a cluster of problems. I consider my self a very lucky man, and I couldn't be more thankful. I have a good life.

Lena's first bull Elk.

Lena got her first bull on saturday, it would have been her first elk, but she also shot a cow two weeks before. Yes, we can shoot two elk in Montana legally. We had a great hunt and made some memories that we will have for ever. I will write all about the hunt and the season when I'm unemployed again.

Love of Eating wild.

I used to say that if you don't like wild game then something is wrong with you. I have since amended that statement. If you don't like wild game, then you haven't had it the right way. Usually the culprit is the way the meat is taken care of in the feild and in the kitchen. The best way to ruin wild game is over cooking it. Actually, overcooking anything will make it worse. There is absolutely no reason to turn wild game into jerky, if your goal was to eat a steak. Medium well is probably too "done" for wild meat, and will produce the "gamey" taste. I believe that 98% of the reason people don't like wild game is either because they had it bad once, or they have a mental block. They tell themselves they don't like it, like a kid does with vegetables.
I am thankful that my wife likes wild game, because it makes up the vast majority of our diet. If you have something you don't think will taste good, like an old rutted up buck, there are plenty of recipes for eating it. Make bratwurst, jerky, summer sausage, etc. If in doubt add pork, anything wrapped in Bacon will taste good. I will always say, if you don't like pork there is something wrong with you.
I just made pepperoni out of antelope. I can't wait to make a pizza for someone who "hates wild game".

The Fall

A list of my favorite things about the fall.

- the autumn colors

- Hunting with friends and family

- the first frost and the smell of the aspen leaves when they turn

- burning pine needles and the smell that brings

- sunsets, the angle of the sun at this time of year really amplifies mountains

- migrating birds

- football games

- fresh veggies from home

More from the Missouri Breaks.

The "Breaks" as we call them are home to very, very few people, but are instead inhabited by Bighorn Sheep, Elk, Mule deer, White-tailed deer, Pronghorn, and about a million coyotes as well as some other small game. Its beautiful country, but harsh. I think this is one of the places in North America that everyone should have the chance to see once in their life.

Dad's visit

Last week my dad came over to hunt antelope and upland birds. We had a great week of hunting and some good success. Lena hunted with us on the weekend, and she nearly got a nice antelope buck. Next time.

Casper is turning out to be a good hunting dog, even though he is still just a pup. He flushes and retrieves, but his stamina and attention span still leave something to be desired. Over time I have no doubt that he will turn out to be a great dog. I could visibly see the pride and relief on dad when casper flushed and retrieved our birds.

Dad got a nice antelope buck, and we processed the whole thing ourselves at my house. Dad is making jerky, two types of summer sausage, two types of snack sticks, and two types of smokies. It was a lot of work, but we both enjoyed it.

One of the side notes of the trip was our tour of the missouri breaks. This is country that everyone should see once in their life. The picture of the cabin came from the breaks near the river. It was someone's dream.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

My neighbor Rob passed away this morning around 11 o'clock. I was outside getting ready to leave when the paramedics arrived. I knew it wasn't good when they took the defibrillator inside. I heard a woman crying and knew it was Rob. About an hour later I found out that he had passed away.
Rob was a very nice man, and I'm not saying that just because he passed on. Rob was quiet, and industrius, always outside working on something. Rob took great care of his own yard, and the street around him. His truck and motor cycle were always clean and sparkling too. For years Rob mowed his neighbors lawn, because they could not.
This morning Rob was out riding his motor cycle, and passed away shortly after he returned home. I'm glad he got one last ride on a beautiful fall morning. Not a bad way to go. My heart breaks for his wife.
Sometimes I forget just how fragile life is, and how much I value everyday I get to spend among my friends and family. I need to thank God for everymorning I can wake up and kiss my beautiful wife. Life is truly a blessing.

Guiding

I AM IN THE BEAR PAWS. HAD TWO GREAT THINGS HAPPEN YESTERDAY.

Looking back with a smile.

I don't know why it is but I have always had the tendency to reminisce about my past. I do it with my wife, my buddies, and my family. It is usually a lot of fun, mixed with a pinch of sadness. It is hard for us to accept that any good times we had can only be remembered and relived in our thoughts and words. Maybe that is why I love to tell stories.
It seems like a very short time ago that I was starting the first practice of jr. tackle in Rathdrum, Idaho, something all of us boys dreamed about growing up. It was truly the pinacle of life at that time. Finally we got to put on pads and hit!!! I remember getting up early to go sit in line for pads in order to make sure we got good equipment. I remember walking to and from "the sheds" where our gear was stored, the way a helmet feels on your head, and how hard it was to get used to a mouth peice.
Those days are gone now, like many other good things in my life, and with the nostalgia of those memories always comes a little sadness. Thankfully I don't let it get me down, because I know several people who are depressed by good times in their pasts. Sounds silly, but it happens. I am thankful for the ability to look forward.
We have to be excited about our future, and the good memories we will make tomorrow and the next day. We have to look forward to the next pinacle of our lives, and then soon after, the next. Don't let the present pass you by when you are focused on the past.

The Wolf Pack is about to reunite!

Last year we made some very special friends from the south, when we traveled to Atlanta, Chattanooga, and Nashville. We are about to reunite with them in Clemson, South Carolina for the weekend. We are going to our first SEC football game at Clemson, where I'm told we will be treated like royalty and have the best time of our life. We have been waiting for this trip for quite a while. Infact we are so excited that I even sacraficed opening weekend of big game archery! Not a problem.

We owe the thanks to our friend Josh Ward. We were roommates about ten years ago at BSU, then he moved back to Tenn. He started taking vacations up to fish with me last summer and started a "northern territory" exchange. He is the kind of friend that not only talks about doing things, he does them. Now we are going on our second "southern exchange" because of him.

You can't live your life by just talking about things you would like to do. Do them. Find a way. I am thankful I have a wife that is not afraid to try anything new, or travel to the south with five strangers, (who are now good friends).

Bring on Clemson!

Trail Cam

Lena and I put a trail cam up at one of our hunting spots. It took a couple of days but we finally got some pics of some cow elk. Most of the pictures were of cows and calves checking out the camera. Some of them even moved it with their muzzles. We didn't get any pictures of any bulls or deer yet, but there is still time. Here are a couple from the first round.

Remembering what is important

Sometimes late in the season I cringe at the thought of going to work. It is Hot. The river is full of weeds that impede every cast and make fishing difficult, especially for novices. My patience is lower than in June or July, and honestly, the fishing isn't as good. I find all these reasons to complain about what I have to do, while I think about things I would rather do. I think everyone does that, a little? Then as I look around me, I remember... I am a fishing guide! I don't have that important of a job. It is not as though I am saving lives. I take people fishing and try to show them a good time. If there were no fishing guides, life would continue without a mis-step.

Sometimes we need to take a look at our lives from the outside, and realize what we need to be thankful for. I thank God for what I have... I apologize to him for complaining. I hope I never do it agian.

I am thankful to be working, I know many others who are not as fortunate right now.

I am thankful to live where I do.

I am thankful for what I am able to do for a job.

I am thankful for my family.

I am thankful for my friends.

I am thankful for the people I meet in this world, I try to take away something from each of them.

I am thankful for my parents and who they raised me to be.

I am thankful for those I don't like, they remind me who I don't want to be.

I am most thankful for my Wife, Lena. She is everything to me. She inspires me to work hard and give more of myself to others. She leads by wonderful example. She is not a morning person, but she gets up every day of the week to go into work early. She volunteers at our church. She helps her Grandmother, and spends time with her. She loves me, she trusts me, she lets me be myself.

I am a very lucky man.

I hope that I can be strong enough not to ever complain about what I do for a living agian.

I have soo much to be thankful for.

Where I would rather work tomorrow.......

If I could trade places for a day I would. I loved it. Beauty? Check. Solitude? Check. Good fishing? Check.

In the midst

Somewhere out there is a feeling of love. Something that warms you up, relaxes you and takes away your fear. Maybe a fond memory of your childhood. Maybe somewhere there is someone waiting for you to share their life with you. To comfort you, and care for you.

I think we need to hope, and smile when we see something beautiful. Life is good if we make it.

Life on the water

My Days begin with early mornings drinking coffee and reading the paper, watching the outside the windows grow brighter by the minute. I pack my cooler, maybe tie some flies, and mentally prepare myself for the day. I notice the tan lines of my feet growing brighter and brighter with each day as I pour another cup of coffee. I kiss my wife goodbye and head to the gas station, and as usual no one is there. I fill my truck up without even looking how much it costs, who cares anyway nothing I can do about it. I try to scrape the bugs off of my windshield again with the window wash. It never completely works no matter how much time I take, there are always a few smudges left joining the rock chips and cracks that I look past on my way to the river. Most days I listen to my Ipod as I speed out of Helena and through the canyon towards the small, but busy town of Craig. On the way to the river the songs that play remind me of all sorts of things, my family, my friends, clients I once had, a break down in the middle of nowhere... Then reality sets again as I exit the highway into the mess of people from all over the globe who have come to Montana to fish for trout on the Missouri River. They scurry around town like ants, looking for their guides, or trying to milk some information from the shops before they head out on their own. Some stumble around like ants with major hangovers. Coffee, cigarettes, sunglasses, drift boats. Lots of khaki and light blue or sage clothing adorns those on the go. I hook up my boat from the row of guide boats parked outside the shop, head nods exchanged to those people I know. Curious glances exchanged with those I don't. Time ticks by quickly as we wait for our clients to show. Small talk and reports from yesterday drown the silence. I notice a caddis fly fluttering by and landing on the windshield of another truck, adorned with the smudges of fallen caddis comrades. It doesn't seem to notice the corpses plastered in peaceful rest, and moves on looking for another caddis to mate with. I inwardly smile at how much it reminds me of some fishing guides I know.

Lucky Lena

My dear, sweet wife maybe one of the luckiest people I know. She drew the tag of a lifetime this year. She drew a bull elk tag in the Bear Paw Mountains, one of only 30 rifle tags given out every year to over a thousand applicants. 3% chance of success = Lena's first try. I can't believe it. She also drew a Cow tag for a different area, and an antelope tag. The later ones don't really matter, because the bull tag is the main priority. I am going to get her a new scope for her gun, and take her shooting often to prepare. I am so excited for her, and a little bit jealous. Actually I was jealous at the beginning, but now I am just really excited. I get much more excitement from guiding others to success than my own personal hunting, especially when it comes to my wife. Lena's first Elk might just be a monster.

The grind

Life is a grind right now. Up early, work, repeat. Day in day out. I forgot what it was like to have days to waste in the summer. I am thankful though, I can't forget that.
Yesterday on the way home I picked up a hitch hiker named Darren. He was a lean clean shaven man from Amarillo Texas. He was traveling through Montana looking for work. He lost his job as a truck driver because he had gotten too many speeding tickets. He didn't have a house or a car because he was always on the road, so when he lost his job he headed north to Wyoming to look for work in the Oil feilds. He had trouble finding steady work because he didn't have a clean driving record. He did some concrete, and other construction work in wyoming and the headed for North Dakota. He ran into the same problems there trying to find steady work, and finally landed a job doing concrete. He said the man he worked for was taking a two week vacation with his family so Darren decided to keep moving. He worked in Great Falls for a couple days and then decided to head south for Helena.
He got stuck half way between the two until I picked him up. He rode along in the cab, somewhat nervously chatting. He told me his short version of "His story". I wonder how much more there is to it? He said he had an ex-wife and children outside of Boise, Idaho.
Darren asked me to drop him off by the Home Depot, where he would try to find people looking for someone to work. I gave him twenty dollars and wished him luck. I hope he makes it.

The summer never lasts.

I am always blown away at the surprising speed the summer sun seems to transcend the sky. It seems like it was just winter a couple days ago? All my big events are coming and going quickly. You wait what seems like forever, and then its already over. Summer to me means:
Great memories with my wife.
Visits from lots of good friends.
Lots and lots of work.
Humming air conditioner.
Going to bed when it is still light outside.
Rodeos.
Sun tan, even though I don't really want one.
Mowing and watering.
Fire in the back yard.
Wine on the patio.
Broken cell phones. Again and again.
Lots of driving.
Copenhagen.
Freak storms.
Big fish.
Fresh perch and walleye.
More time in a boat than a sailor.
Carpel tunnel.
Sunrise and coffee.
Early mornings on the vise.
Soon enough, Hunting Season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

People are people

Some we like, others we don't, and some we just don't get a feeling either way for. I meet all varieties in my lines of work. From struggling working class, to extremely privilaged white collar folks. Some I like, some I don't. I try to learn something from all of them. What to do, or not to do. How to treat other people, or how not to. The most surprising thing of all is none of them are predictable. You think you know something about someone because of where they come from, then you get to secretly feel the slam of assumption coming back in your face after a good conversation. Only you have to know that you thought something you shouldn't have. I feel like God keeps me guessing about life and people so I won't get comfortable and forget the basics, like the golden rule. One of my clients said it best last year, "I love people, I just hate the general public." Much of the time I feel the same way, but it is because we let little things become something they aren't. Pulling out in front of someone else is not personal. Try to let it slide next time, especially when you do it to some one else. One thing I am constantly reminded of in life, is that people are people. Never let your mind get to far from the mirror.

Happy Birthday Elleanor

Happy Birthday Elleanor. I was thinking about the first time I really got to know you. We drove back from Seattle together in Josh's truck, and I got sick as a dog. I am happy you are my sister n law. We know where your kids get their personalities from. I won't forget your wedding, when you and I were on the dance floor the whole night, because you refused to leave. I hope you have a great day.

Humbled

I got kicked in the sack today, to use the parlance of our times. There is nothing like being humbled by the Missouri river. You think you know something about fishing and then the bad days get you. I tried every fly I had in my box, different runs, different depths, you name it. Nothing worked very well, but at least some of it worked a little. I wasn't the only one who had a bad day, it happens to everyone I guess, but I felt like I was the only one. I need a chance to redeem my self.

so happy

I am so happy my wife is home again! Lena is back and we are together again for a couple days until I launch on the Smith for the last time this season. I never thought I would love a woman this much. We went and watched Grown Ups today, it was ok. I don't think I would watch it more than once, but it was entertaining. After the movie we had dinner downtown and some DQ for desert. I have to tie some flys for the day tomorow. Hopefully fishing doesn't suck.

great visit

Bry, Terra and the kids just left and I am sitting alone in the quiet. I wish Lena was here very very bad. I thought I missed her before, but this makes it much worse.

For many years of my life I was used to being the one with all the power. I was the one who left. There is nothing worse than being the one who is left behind. I still remember hating that part of being the youngest brother. I couldn't wait to grow up and get bigger so I wasn't left behind anymore. This might explain a major part of my behavior over the last decade.

I had a great time with everyone. We had Chinese food the first night and took the kids and the dogs out to our prospective property. Then we snuck the dogs into the house, because we aren't allowed to have them in the park. Thank God the dogs were good the whole time. We built a fire and had some smores. Parker hung out with Bryan and I for a little while after the others went inside. I can't believe how old he is now, and how fast he is growing up.

The kids slept on the couch, chair and ottoman, and cot in the living room. Collin said it was the coolest thing ever. Bryan and Terra slept in my bedroom and I slept in our guest room. I was amazed how fast that family takes over a place. Like a tornado going through a trailer park. We slept in and I cooked a big breakfast while Terra did laundry and the kids watched disney. Something I am not used to, but no one else seemed to think anything was strange but me. After that I took every one fishing for perch at a secret spot.

I always get a little stressed when I am taking people fishing or hunting, especially my family. I want to show them the best time I can and I put a lot of pressure on myself. The kids pointed out that I can get grumpy. Duh. I don't do it on purpose! Thank God the fishing was great. We killed em. Terra lost what is becoming a legend. Perhaps the biggest perch I have ever seen (for sure), if not some kind of record. I say this with all honesty.

I had so much fun watching them all enjoy catching fish, especially Terra. She gets intense like my wife and puts the game face on. She also gets pissed off when she isn't catching them and someone else is. The kids were happy just putting the fish in the bucket, or netting them. I didn't think anyone would want to leave, so I bbq'd in the boat. Parker and Collin thought it was lucky to pee in the water. Collin peed every ten minutes. I enjoyed the whole circus very much.

The kids, the dogs, and Bryan, Terra, and I filled a five gallon bucket with tasty perch and returned home to feast on a batch of my special fish tacos. We also shared a very expensive bottle of wine. It was a great day and great night.

Today we slept in and had pancakes. They packed up the Griswold van and we went out to the Skytop. We rode horses a little, shot some gophers, and enjoyed the beautiful views. Collin did this with his hand in his pants nearly the whole time. The kids started out afraid of horses, and ended wanting to ride everyone of them. My gift to Parker for his tenth birthday was to go shoot gophers. All the rain has made the grass really high, and the gophers weren't out in force today...But... Parker ended up shooting one. I will never forget his face! Lilah wanted to inspect every one, and actually she through a fit when she couldn't go look at the dead ones.

We ended the visit with some good ole' greasy Saloon food.

I know why my mom feels depressed when people leave. I know why my dad keeps himself busy in the yard. I liked to be the one who left, instead of being the one who got left behind. There is a quiet loneliness that comes when you drive away from what you are leaving behind. Solitude and a purpose, albeit uncertain, like a man riding off into the sunset. Once again I feel like the little brother left behind while the others go off on an adventure. Through it all I will never forget what a lucky man I am.

At home alone

I'm home alone, at least for a little while. I am sitting in the quiet, cool air-conditioned house. I miss my wife right now, and can't wait for my family to get here. I am anxious to say the least. Bryan, Terra Jean, PK, Lilah, and Collin are coming to visit. I don't get to see them enough, and wish it could be longer than it is going to be. I am also missing precious days guiding on the river right now. I don't care though, I know what is most important, and besides I never really liked working anyway (wink).
It is already the end of June, and I feel like summer hasn't even really begun yet. My flowers are blooming and peppers, strawberries, and tomatoes are doing well. I think the heat is coming soon. It won't be long and the dog days will be upon us.
I always miss my buddies most in the summer. I think about all the fun we would have when school was out, it seemed like we never slept. Fishing, floating, golfing, bbq's, concerts, and nights on the town kept us very occupied when work didn't.
I'm going to the store to get stuff for smores for Terra and the kids. I can't stop thinking about how fortunate I am. Summers in Montana remind us why we put up with the long winters.

Camp life

I awoke to the incessant drumming of the rain as it pounded on the big canvas wall tent. I was warm in my sleeping bag and comfortable, and definately not eager to leave it for the rain soaked world outside of it. I reached to my hat by the head of my cot and grabbed the time peice that had once been my watch, until a mule busted the band a few years ago. 5:23 a.m. It still served its purpose, and told me it was time to get up. I looked around the tent and noticed all the others were still asleep, with their heads tucked inside their sleeping bags like mummies. I laid back and stretched, thinking about my day ahead and wishing I was in bed next to my wife. I always miss her most in the quiet mornings. Only four more days until I would see her again.

I could see the sunlight of dawn growing slowly brighter every minute, it wouldn't be long until the sun was up. I quietly got up and put my shoes on. They were still wet. Wonderful. I snuck out side and took a piss. It was cold and I couldn't seem to finish fast enough to get back in to the tent without getting soaked. I snuck in and quietly moved over to the stove and lit the burners under the kettle and the wash pale. In a few minutes I would have coffee and the others would slowly start waking up to help with breakfast, and the busy morning. I love the early morning quiet before the first rush of the day. Cook, do dishes, break down camp, guide fisherman all day, set up, cook dinner, do dishes, go to bed and get ready for it all agian tomorow.

I poured the grounds in the french press, and the instant the hot water mixed with them my nose lit up with the magnificent smell. I gave it a moment and pressed the grounds. My cup got the first fill, then the air pot. I blew gently on my cup and took the first sip. Once again I thought of my wife, it would be my last chance for a couple hours. All at once the rain softened and others started to stir. Time to get going.

The Smith Season

Once again I am headed out for the Smith Season, (five day float trips on the Smith river which run from June through mid July.) I don't like leaving my wife for that long, but I do love to work on the Smith. It seems as if I blink and the summer is almost over, although it is just barely starting here. I can't seem to understand that when the days are the longest with sunlight, they go by so fast. Right now I am looking at the beautiful red geranium blooming outside on our porch. It is thoroughly enjoying the rain soaked soil and the bright early morning sun coming from the east. It is one of the small things that makes me thankful. Soon I will be off the river, then back on, then off. Lena will be gone to a wedding and my family will be here. I can't wait for them to come, but I am really going to miss Lena. To say it mildly, you may not hear much from me for a while.

PB&J's and Fried Chicken

There is something special about a Mother's touch when it comes to feeding their children. I had a pb&J today, something I do often, and it left me feeling unfulfilled. Not because I was still hungry, and not because of the ingredients. It was simply because I made it. I still remember the last pb & J my Oma made me. It was in Mexico about ten years ago. It might have been the single best sandwich I have ever had in my life. Every time I eat one, I think of my Oma and summer lunches out on the glider. I have the same problem with fried chicken. I truly believe that no one can hold a candle to my mother's fried chicken. Many people agree with me, so I am led to believe that it is more than just the fact that she's my momma. I will never be able to eat fried chicken without comparing it to my mom's, the same way I'll never be able to eat pb & j's without thinking about Oma.

Summer?

It certainly could be here, but I don't know. I wake up in the morning to smell the cool moist air, and all the aromas that blooming plants and flowers bring. I love that it gets light around five here now, and it doesn't get dark until around ten. I don't even know where to start my days right now. It seems like there is entirely too much to do, and not enough time to do it in. I have friends and family I want to talk to or hang out with, things I want to do with my wife, work I have to do, work I need to do, and some I can't ever seem to get to. Life is hard to organize, and when we do organize it, it looses its luster. I am ever grateful for all that I have, and all the things that I can't get to. I would way rather it be this way than the opposite. The summers make me miss so many people and places, who are as drawn in to their own lives as I am now. It makes me miss back when I lived paycheck to paycheck, and had the freedom to go see who I wanted when I wanted with no fear of any reprecussions. On the other hand, when I lay down to sleep, in a bed, next to my beautiful wife, maybe I don't miss it so much. Maybe I just miss the thought of it.

The Mighty Missouri

"I should like to have many houses beside many rivers, except that a man can only live in one house at a time. If he had many houses by many rivers, he would always be regretting the houses left empty and the rivers unwatched. -Roderick Haig-Brown

All of us have places that we leave behind, whether it be in our hearts or in our minds. I left behind many rivers, lakes, and creeks that I fell in love with in my youth. I learned to fish, and what fishing is: good days and bad days, some forgettable, and some can never be forgotten. Like women, sometimes we get lonesome and forget all the bad things about them, and pretty soon we have a romanticized princess in our minds. One visit can reminds us that it's far from the truth, and pretty soon we learn to keep the romanticized version alive indefinitely. Its much better than the alternative.

There is always a reason we leave, and a reason we stay. I don't know why people drift around from place to place, for me it was usually work or women. I was looking for a place that fit me, and not the contrary. Some places don't last long, some become a legend, and some become home.

I have chosen to make Montana my home, close to the Missouri River. If you have ever been here you probably know why. Like a lot of others I am not from here, because we have no choice where or to whom we are born, but we do have some control over where we end up. I have split a few lips to close mouths over this issue.

I was shaped by other rivers, but none so powerful as the Missouri. I think about the other ones from time to time, longing to fish perfect conditions. Like those princesses from the past, memories of the good times roll through my mind. The truth is, sometimes we have to pick one place to make our home. Even those with the means to have more than one house, on more than one river, can only have one "home."

Waiting on the rain

I have a lot of work to do, and not enough time to do it. The rain is holding things up. It has been coast-like here for the last week. We have had almost constant showers, which is very rare in a place that only gets about 11 inches of precipitation a year. It is much more common to see snow in July. The effects of the rain are worth it though, everything turns green. The mountains are about as pretty as they ever get right now, and the first two hot days of sunshine will spark all the wildflowers to bloom. The long winters in the mountains are worth it when summer finally shows its face.

North Idaho

Lena and I are heading back to North Idaho this weekend for a wedding. May has gone entirely too fast.

It feels like summer...

will actually make it to Montana this year. Every spring we have our doubts, today there is a chance of snow. My grass is starting to grow finally and some trees are in full blossom. The season of little sleep is upon me. It seems like I blink and the summer is over. I hope to enjoy it a little more this time.

Back in Boise

I am back in Boise for the weekend. I haven't been here for almost two years. I really enjoyed the drive down. The mountains are all still covered in snow up high, and the foothills are turning green, with mixed wildflowers starting to bloom. Purple is the dominant color, followed by yellow. The sage is in its brightest stage of the self titled color also, and quite fragrant. I look back on all those long drives across southern Idaho and Montana in awe. The scenery hasn't changed much and it overwhelms me with its nostalgic power. Through the cracked and bug spotted wind shield I can easily see that the only thing that has really changed is me.
On my drive I had much to think about: My family from my Mom down to my nieces and nephews, my upcoming chance to sell some trips, my last outing with the seven veterans on the Smith, but mostly my wife. My thoughts are almost entirely consumed by her. I smile genuinely knowing how lucky I am.
I passed many familiar places on the way in, places and events I hadn't thought about in years, and for a moment all the moments come back in a glimpse. Then they are gone. My gopher hunting spot where I spent many days with my buddies walking through the high desert, enjoying the uniqueness of the desert and the company of my pals. Roads I had driven, places I had pulled over to piss, even places I decided to spend the night.
My excitement rose as I rolled into Boise, looking over the rim into the city that sprawled out along the river. I looked at the capitol, the university, and downtown, quickly pondering all the places that have changed. I silently hope that everything hasn't changed. Sometimes it's nice to come back to a familiar town, especially one that cradled me through my college years. Those years are full of ups and downs in all aspects of life, even when your responsibilities are fractional to the life you live afterward. Bright green grass, yellow and pink tulips, and fully leaved trees beautifully anounce springs arrival. It almost feels like home, even though I know it isn't.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSHUA

Happy birthday to my oldest brother Joshua Lee Phelps. Husband, father, and teacher. Thanks for teaching me so many things when we were kids, especially how to cuss. No Thanks for blaming me for the things you did, like peeing on Oma's toilet seat. Wish we were fishing on Hayden right now. Thanks for mostly being a good big brother. I love you. buddy.

Project Healing Waters

Sean Meadows. Tall, strong, dark features, Copenhagen smile, Country boy charm, thick georgia accent, strong handshake, prosthetic legs. This is how I see him now, I just call him Meadows. I first met Sean last year on the Smith River, walking a little wably down the bank by the river at Camp Baker. The first thing I noticed was gait, laboring to balance on the prosthetic poles. He hadn't had them long, told me right away he liked his old ones better. No embarrasment, no akwardness. I liked him immediately and invited him to fish with me. I sensed we had more incommon than just our taste in snuff. I thought of the challenges that lay ahead of us on the muddy sloping banks, slick rocks, and rain soaked campsites.
Sean had lost both legs "AK" or above the knee less than a year prior in Afghanistan. His humvee hit an IED and it shot the bottom armor plate toward the rear, shearing off both his legs. "I died four times on the table. I wasn't ready." Meadows was a combat controller in the Air Force, their version of special forces, when he got hit. He comes from Athens Georgia, and questions if there are any other colleges in the state. He can fish too.
The first day was better than I expected, Sean and I had a good time just chewing the fat in the boat. He was an avid bass fisherman, and a good listener. He caught lots of fish, and did it with ease and a smile. He was happy to share his "dip". When we got to camp, adversity reared its ugly head. Walking up the slippery bank, one of his prosthetics failed and broke off at the joint. Day one, four more to go. Pete, a fellow amputee,(Although you would never notice) was a veitnam vet from Maine, and handy to have around. In a few hours He and another guide fashioned a make shift prostetic sleeve from a pvc rod tube, duct tape, and a some screws. Sean had two prosthetics again, but one didn't bend. He wanted an allen wrench, which no one had, so he could take the prostetics off of the sleves and walk around on his stumps. He didn't like not being able to help in camp much worse than being immobilized.
The next two days he didn't move about much. On the third day he found his allen wrench, and took apart his expensive prosthetics so he could move around on the hard sleves that were molded to fit his stumps. Sean was a much happier camper. He was much more social, and always doing something to help out around camp. He worked just as hard and just as efficiently as anyone with normal legs. He is truly an inspiration. I watched him carry two heavy buckets up in the air above his waist as he walked across camp so they wouldn't drag on the ground. Never an excuse, never a complaint. Sean liked to joke, and understood and appreciated tough love. He told me he felt guilty that he couldn't help in camp much the first two and a half days. No excuses were made, none were offered. Just linear motion.
I am happy to call Sean Meadows my friend. I am happy I got the chance to give a little back to him, and the others who accompanied us on the trip. I leave for this years trip on thursday morning. Meadows changed my life, I hope I had a little impact on his as well. I wish Sean was going to be there this time too, but I am happy to make more new friends. We'll see.

The comfort of dreams

All I ever wanted to be growing up was a Cowboy. I dreamt about it constantly, still do. I realized early on that some dreams are for kids, and some dreams are special. These Special dreams are not just for us alone. These are not the dreams of being a professional athelete, fireman, or even a buckaroo. These are the kind of dreams we share with someone else, that give us purpose to get out of bed every morning and pull on our boots. I've chewed on some of my childhood dreams, and savored every taste. I've rode for my money, and roped for short pay. I loved dang near every minute of it, but there was always something missing. Something bigger than just me. Dreams are only half as good if we don't have some one to share them with. My dreams are different now. Don't get me wrong, I still dream about trailing cows across fenceless ranges, and riding down buffalo. But, those dreams are just to keep me young. Now I dream about building a good life, and a family with my wife. We dream about things together, what we want and even what we think we might want.
I think about that when I don't want to get out of bed and put my boots on.

Happy Birthday Terra Jean! I didn't like you when I first met you. Its ok, not your fault. I didn't like Bry then, and he is most likely to blame. I love you both now though, so everything is fine.

I have to share a funny story about Terra Jean. The first night I really hung out with her was after a football game. Terra and Bryan and Josh all decided to drink. Alot. I was an upstanding citizen back then, (I think one of Rathdrums top ten infact), so I didn't partake. All I heard was a lot of tough talk about how much "I can drink". The night ended with Terra and Josh tandem puking in the bathroom sinks. I think they were both crying too. It got worse from there, just ask mom. Boy, you sure showed me. Happy Birthday!

Spring Rain

My memories are triggered by certain scents, and the images explode in my brain for a mila-second taking me back to the place and even giving me back the feelings for a brief moment. I love spring rain. It takes me back to seasons of little league baseball coached by my Mom. Greening grass, bright yellow dandelions, red clay and dirt. I can even remember looking through the dugout fence to see what girls were in the stands, wondering if I was going to get a hit.
I grasp a sense of peace in the spring rains. Even though I may have to work inside, I remember getting poured on turkey hunting up in Hayden Creek with my Dad, seeking shelter from an old cedar tree. I remember fishing in Mockins bay with my brother Josh, the night he caught three very large bass. I catch glimpses of faces, landscapes, and even shades of light. And If I think hard enough about it, I even can remember the smell.

a little down time

I slept in until almost eight this morning, something I have rarely ever done in my life... even in college. It feels good to have a little down time right now, even though I have so many things to do. I have a lot on my mind. Here is a list: My family, I think about them all the time and wish I could see them more often. My friends, the same as above. Hunting and fishing, fishing is good right now. Last night we went out looking for bears and saw over a hundred elk, a bunch of deer and two moose, one of which had only three feet. I don't know if it was a birth defect, car accident, or even a predator attack it was kind of sad. She had four legs, but one was much thicker than the rest and was stumped at the bottom above where the hoof would attach. Although after watching her for a while she seemed very healthy, even though she had trouble getting around.
My rights, people are campaigning around here to end trapping on public lands. They are uninformed, unreasonable, and somewhat uneducated. Public lands are intended for the use of the public. Limiting your rights is never a good idea. Trapping is important for the proper management of wildlife, and is an important part of our heritage. Despite what you may have been told, it is not inhumane and cruel, and not easy. You don't just set out a trap and catch poor little helpless animals. It is a very difficult process which requires a lot of dedication and knowledge. Nature is much more vicious and cruel than any trapper. Just watch a wolf kill an elk, or a bobcat kill a rabbit. People make the mistake of assuming animals think and feel the same way that we humans do. Animals don't reason, and definately don't feel sympathy. Traps also don't kill and maim countless pets, that is total Bull Shit with no numbers or proof behind it. Pure propaganda spewed and consumed by the ignorant.
Wrestling, I have donated a trip to SaveBakersfieldWrestling. Many division 1 wrestling programs are beign cut and it sucks. I just found out yesterday that UC Davis' program has been dropped. Urijah Faber wrestled there.
My summer, I am not booking a ton of fishing trips but will probably be very busy with construction. I just got my Independent contractor exemption for construction, and should get a lot of work from other contractors.
My day, I was overwhelmed this morning at church with love for my wife. I am blessed to go to the same church where I married Lena. I am reminded of that day and all the promises we made to each other up on that stage in front of nearly everyone we cared about. It still makes me emotional thinking back to those moments.
I have to go rake the yard now.

spring is here

If feels good outside. Sunshine, blue skies, and the grass is getting green. I've been busier than a one armed paper hanger these days. One more week of house sitting, then I will finally get to slow down a little. I doubt it though. It is always feast or famine for me anymore. Either I am too busy, or too slow. I would take being too busy any day though. I will get back to writing next week when I'm not so busy.

Happy Birthday Buckwheat

Happy Birthday to my brother Bryan. A devoted husband and father, and good friend. I love you buddy.

This picture was taken behind the dugout at the baseball field in Spirit Lake, Idaho. I'm pretty sure we won it all that year, and that game (Randy). One of the only times we were teammates. I can still remember how bad the mosquitos were.

more...

You boys like Mexico?!!!!

Mexico. Fishing, sunshine, ocean. Awesome.

Back Home, kind of...

Lena and I returned home to Montana after a wonderful vacation in Mexico with my Parents, Aunt and cousin, and two great friends. (I like to call Randy my Near Brother, because basically that is what he is.) I feel so fortunate to be able to do something like this, and it truly is a humbling experience. I am thankful to God for everything from where I was born, where I live, my health, my family, my wife, my friends, and my ability to make a living. I am reminded how fortunate I am, and try to promise myself to never take that for granted. I am reminded to never be too proud for any work, which I am pretty sure I have never been, (except substitute teaching because I would rather dig holes with a spoon). I am also reminded that everyday is a blessing when you get to spend it with the people who matter most to you.
Lena and I got back just in time to start a house sitting job, so we aren't really home yet. We are watching a house for the next couple weeks, Thank the Lord because we just had to put a thousand dollars into my truck. I don't want to talk about it. Luckily I am getting back to work in other ways too. I will write more later, and post some pictures.

vacation

Tomorow, Lena and I head for Mexico. We will be accompanied by our friends Randy and Kerry Russell, my Mom and Dad, and aunt Susie and Kylee. I can hardly wait. I have been roofing all week and it has been snowing at night. I am ready for this trip in a big way. I'm outta here.

Promises we make ourselves

I remember waking up one morning on a dirt road somewhere in the middle of Wyoming. I was sleeping in the cab of my pickup with my feet sticking out the passenger window. My eyes hurt from the dry dust caked in the corners. I couldn't remember much of the night before, nor the week. I sat up and slowly looked around, trying to recognize where I was. No Idea. I forenzically went through the events I could remember and peiced together some notion that I had been in Colorado for a couple days and was headed back to Montana. I took a look at myself in the rear view mirror, I felt like it was the first time I had looked at myself in a long time. I had been lost, not just geographically, but spiritually. The land around me was painted a sandy pink hue from the pre-dawn light. The Sun would be coming up soon, and there was nothing around me but miles of sage and old fences. I truly felt alone in the beautiful sunrise. I noticed a little breeze start to move through the window. I looked at myself once again and spoke out loud, "I'm done with this." I grabbed my boots off of the floorboard and pulled them on one by one. I started the truck and left that peice of myself right there in the desert. I never looked back.

Awesome

I got a recipe from a friend that I put to good use last night. I took one of the tenderloins from the elk I got this year and cut it into thin strips lenght wise, (you want them wide and thin). Then I seasoned them with Garlic and some Van's Grilling Baste. Any kind of rub or marinade you prefer will work. Then I spread a good layer of cream cheese over the tops of the fillets. Next take some pickled jalepenos and chop them into medium sized chunks and spread them over the cream cheese. Roll the fillets up with the cream cheese and jalepenos in the middle, and wrap the outside with a peice of bacon. Use tooth picks to hold it all together. Throw them on the bbq and get ready for a party. Remember that we are at the top of the food chain for a reason, so enjoy it!

Hard to do

I have a lot of anger in my heart right now. There are some people who are intentionally causing pain and anguish to people I care about. There are also those who are doing it unintentionally but probably know better. I have been told to pray for these people, the ones that are hardest for us to love. I am not Jesus, not even close. I am trying very hard to forgive these people, but it makes me so angry. I know this is the challenge of loving your neighbor. I know, with time and effort, I can forgive them. However, I don't think I could ever come close to loving them, no matter how hard I tried.
Right now I know that there is someone out there that I hurt. Probably more than just one someone. I hope that they can forgive me.

Deep Water

I think about Peter in Mathew 14 when Jesus walks across the water toward the boat on the rough seas. Sometimes we need a savior only when we begin to sink. Many people have begun to sink, but are grasping out for the wrong savior. A politician, a frivolous law suit, government aid, the list goes on. Grasping straws that will not reach from the depths. I think for many it is time to be humble. I truly believe you can only help those who wish to be helped, and not just enabled.

Reflections from Nationals

I had a great time in Omaha with my friends watching the NCAA wrestling tournament. I got to spend a week with some of my old teammates, some of whom I haven't seen in a long time. I also relived some old memories, along with about 20 thousand others. I love the national tournament. It is three days of excellent wrestling, partying, and reunions. There is also a lot of excitement, elation, and sadness. It is hard to watch a young man fall short of his goals, disappointed to the point of tears. It is also great to watch the exhilaration that comes to those who achieve theirs.

St. Paddy's day

It's a big deal here in Montana. My wife is on a party bus headed for Butte with her family. I have a green shirt on, but it doesn't show when I wear a jacket. I might punch someone if they pinch me.

Reunion Time

I am heading back to the NCAA wrestling tournament in Omaha, Nebraska tomorrow to meet up with some old buddies. I can't wait. I love the NCAA tournament, for a lot of reasons, but number one has to be the camaraderie. It is not an easy sport to understand, and even harder to participate in, especially at the level it takes to make it to that tournament. I reunite with old teammates, coaches, college enemies, and even my old trainer who used to super glue my cuts together. We all have one thing in common, and that is wrestling.
I am just happy my wife is so understanding.

Pockets are on fire.

Lena and I are spending money like it is burning holes in our pockets. We bought a new gun today, and Lena got a new car! Brand New Toyota Rav 4. My head is spinning. I think I need another Job.

Never would have guessed

I never would have guessed my nephew Parker would ever want to wrestle. I was wrong. He wrestled in a tournament Thursday night and took first place. I am so happy for him, and proud of him. Wrestling is the sport that gave me everything, so it means a lot to me. I never thought PK would be interested, let alone like it. I am blown away. I am happy for him, because one on one victory gives a person confidence not easily rivaled in other arenas. I think every young boy could use that, in heavy doses. I think back to being his age, which is about when I first started, I was scared and anxious to find out what I could do. I didn't loose a match for two years. Then the hardship started. Wrestling is a brutal sport. It has highs and lows as extreme as imaginable. I hope he can make it through them, not only survive, but thrive. I am worried, and afraid for him. I personally know the heart-ache, the frustration, and the pain the sport can bring. I also know the elation, and pride that come even with small victories. It made me the man I am, for better or for worse. I am very thankful for that. I only pray that Parker can have a similar experience.

Boats

Ever since I was very young I have had a profound enfatuation with boats, and the water. There is something about gliding across the water that puts me in a very special place. When I was a kid, I remember Mom and Dad letting my brothers and I sit up on the bow of the "Slug" (pictured). I loved the feeling as we rushed across the water, holding on to the horns that adorned the bow as it sliced through the emerald green water in front of us.

My brothers and I also grew up in a small row boat terrorizing Mockins bay, until it went missing one winter. Then for a while it was the giant red canoe, which also had it's moments. Looking back, I must attribute both of these boats to my ability to handle a drift boat well.

I loved to move across the water in the canoe, or the row boat. My brothers and I would always see how fast we could go, digging the blades of the paddles and pushing the water. However, it was never quite as thrilling as a humming engine pushing up on plane across the water.

One of my most favorite moments growing up was when my parents trusted me enough, at a very young age, to drive the boat by myself. I was so full of pride I almost burst. Knowing that someone trusts you enough to handle responsibility is a great and honorable privilage.

I would spend much of the money I made on gas for the boat, cruising around on Hayden Lake during the short summers. It was truly my favorite thing to do, especially when no one was on the water. I row a boat down rivers for a living now, but lakes will always be my favorite. They both bring happiness to me, but I still love the thrill of a powerfull motor and a smooth glass hull sliding across the open water.

I am patiently awaiting the spring, so I can get my boat back out on the water.